Les MiserCats
by Dreamteazer
Summary: CATS parody. Yeehaw! The highly-anticipated, and not overrated Chapter Four is up! Rated for the Lovely Ladies.. ;)
1. Welcome to Insanity

~*Disclaimer*~ Am I absolutely insane? Yes, yes I am. And I'll thank you kindly not to make a big deal of it!! ;) Anyway, it's CATS meets Les Miserables. Valjean's spinning in his grave, but I had to do it! As usual, I don't own CATS, yada yada yackety schmack. The ducky fell'as at RUG do, as well as A.L. Webber, T.S. Elliot, Trevor Nun, etc, etc. And now, onto the show! P.S. Don't feed the kitties!!! Hehehe. ~Dream~  
  
  
  
Tugger: {walks in, watching the Author type furiously} Hey, what's she doing?  
  
Bombalurina: {shrugs, trying to steal a peek} She won't let us see.  
  
Mungojerrie: {looks up from where he's been sitting faithfully since the Author started} Wroitin' a parody, Oi th'nk…  
  
Munkustrap: {faints}  
  
Author: {looks up, in her best Velma Kelly voice} What the hell was that?!  
  
Jennyanydots: {from offstage} Think of the children!  
  
Author: {rolls eyes} Okay… what happened to him?  
  
Bomba: He fainted.  
  
Author: Duh… why?  
  
Bomba: Mungojerrie thought.  
  
Mungo: 'Ey! Oi'm olwayz th'nkin'!!! 'Ow else do Oi olwayz git outta scrapes?!  
  
Munku: {regains consciousness in perfect timing} Dumb luck.  
  
Author: Now, hang on a tick. Mungojerrie's a very "thoughtful" tom. No one pays enough attention to see it.  
  
Pouncival: Well, I guess we know who her favorite is…  
  
Rumpleteazer: Oi'm close secon'!!!  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes} If we're doing a parody, let's get on with it!  
  
Etcetera: What parody are we doing?  
  
Mungo: Chicago.  
  
Author: {stares at Mungojerrie} What makes you say that?  
  
Mungo: Wotcha said b'fo'…"Wot th' 'ell woz 'at?"… 'At's from Chicago, ain' it?  
  
Jenny: {from offstage} Won't somebody please think of the children?!  
  
Author: {ignores Jenny and thinks} Very good, Jerrie, but we're not doing Chicago. {Other cats mill in} Is everybody here? Does everybody know what time it is?  
  
Mungo: Look! 'At's from Chicago, too!!  
  
Author: {sighs} Right again, Jerrie, but for the last time: we are NOT doing Chicago! {Grins evilly} Although, that does sound like fun…  
  
Teazer: {bops Jerrie on the head} Now look wotcha done, luv!  
  
Alonzo: Now, hold on a second here… If we don't know what show we're making a parody of, then we can't very well actually act it out, can we?  
  
Bomba: …therefore saving us from utterly humiliating ourselves.  
  
Author: Oh, yes you can… {Snaps fingers and grins as CATS all talk at once}  
  
Teazer: Oi gotta say 'at?!?!  
  
Cassie: What are you complaining about? I die!  
  
Misto: {pouts} So do I!  
  
Tugger: {glares at Author} That's not fair… How'd you do that?  
  
Author: {grins} Magic… Now, on with the show!!! 


	2. Cast List

1 Les MiserCats  
  
Principals:  
  
Jean Valjean - Rum Tum Tugger  
  
Javert - Macavity  
  
Grizine - Grizabella  
  
Eponine - Cassandra  
  
Mme. Thenardier - Rumpleteazer  
  
Thenardier - Mungojerrie  
  
Munkius - Munkustrap  
  
Demsette - Demeter  
  
Young Demsette (Jemsette) - Jemima  
  
Enjolras - Alonzo  
  
Gavroche - Mistoffelees  
  
Grantaire - Morgan  
  
Farmer - Bill Bailey  
  
Bishop - Rumblepurr  
  
Factory ForeTom - Plato  
  
Factory Queen - Bombalurina  
  
Workers - Fictional Males  
  
Lady Workers - Victoria, Griddlebone, and others  
  
Sailors - Adme & Aspar  
  
Lovely Ladies - Tant, Xoti, & Jelly  
  
Collar Chic - Electra  
  
Army Hailer - Skimbleshanks  
  
"Gentleman" - Jonathan  
  
  
  
Students:  
  
Combeferre - Coricopat  
  
Feuilly - Tumblebrutus  
  
Courfeyrac - Bustopher Jones  
  
  
  
Thenardier's Gang:  
  
Montparnasse - Admetus  
  
Claquesous - Rumpus Cat  
  
Babet - Asparagus 


	3. It Begins...

** Little Note: Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter, guys. I appreciate you coming back and checking on it. Unfortunately, I've been having problems with my computer. It won't run Microsoft Word, so I couldn't get in and make the necessary changes that I wanted. As it is, I'm typing this at Purdue Calumet so's I can get it to you. Again, sorry about the delay, and enjoy!**  
  
~*Dreamteazer*~  
  
  
  
Les MiserCats  
  
Part 2 :) mwahahaha!  
  
Etc: How come I didn't get a part?!  
  
Author: Because I need you for my mascot… {insert winning smile}  
  
Etc: {buys it}  
  
Munk: Why the heck is Tugger Valjean? Deuteronomy should have had that role.  
  
Author: Uh, Number One, I'm the author, and therefore I set the cast. Number Two, Deut wanted to help Quaxo out in the booth.  
  
Deme: Doing what?  
  
Deut: Sound effects.  
  
Bomba: Oh, sh—  
  
{AROOOOOOOOGAAAAAA!!!!}  
  
(^-- supposed to sound like a foghorn.)  
  
Author: Well, at least we have a built in censor. That should keep Jenny quiet for a bit. Besides Strap. Tugger can hit those high notes a lot easier than Deuteronomy can.  
  
Tugger: Hey, wait a second. Are you attacking my masculinity?  
  
Author: Not at all… just pointing out your femininity. All right, everybody. Let's do this!!!  
  
Coricopat: Just another moment, Miss Author, dear. Who is "Rumblepurr"?  
  
Author: Oh, him! He's a dear friend I met online. He's perfect for the Bishop; trust me. You'll love him… or else. {evil cackle}  
  
Tantomile: Jeesh… and I thought Victoria was a brat.  
  
Vic: Hey!!  
  
Author: Can we please get on with this?  
  
Teazer: No' yet… Oi ain' quoite fig'aed out 'oo Oi play. {tries to pronounce} Mmm-mm-ee Thhhen-ar-deer? Wot da 'eck is dat?!  
  
Author: {sighs} Mme. is an abbreviation for Madame. And it's pronounced Te-nar-dee-ay. Thenardier. Got it?  
  
Teazer: Te-nar-dee-ay, eh? Oh, alroight. 'Ey Jer, c'n you say dat? {giggles and wanders away}  
  
  
  
{Setting: Work Yard of a Pound}  
  
Look Down  
  
Alley Cats: Look down, look down, you're in your litter box  
  
Look down, look down, it smells like day-old socks  
  
Macavity: Now bring me prisoner TSE-01. Your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means.  
  
Tugger: No. Enlighten me.  
  
Author: CUT!!! Not even five minutes in, and I'm having problems. Please, Tugger! What happened to setting a good example for your fans?  
  
Deut: {over the intercom} What happened to respecting characters enough to not put them where they don't belong, and subjecting them to inhumane terrors such as Parodies? {cats applaud}  
  
Author: It flew out the window. {turns back to Tugger} And so will you if you don't do this right.  
  
Alonzo: And once again, the true beast within rears her ugly head.  
  
Author: Doesn't matter what you say; you still have to do this. Now… where were we?  
  
Tugger: {sighs melodramatically} I guess that's my cue…Yes, it means I'm free.  
  
Mac: No, it means you get your yellow collar of leave. You are a thief.  
  
Tugger: I stole a tuna can.  
  
Mac: You robbed a house.  
  
Munku: Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! Shouldn't Mungojerrie play this part?  
  
Author: No.  
  
Tugger: He's the thief of the tribe, though…  
  
Jerrie: {bows grandly}  
  
Author: {rubs temple and sighs} Tugger. He is not "Valjean," because you are. He's Thenardier, and you're not. That's how I wrote this. It'll work… have faith. Now… let's skip ahead.  
  
Mac: {nods, uncharacteristically cooperative} Five years for what you did, the rest because you tried to run. Yes, TSE-01…  
  
Tugger: My name is La Tug-air.  
  
Mac: And I'm Macavity. Do not forget my name. Do not forget me, TSE-01.  
  
Alley Cats: Look down, look down, you're in your litter box  
  
Look down, look down, it smells like day old socks  
  
Ah, ugh, oh god, Sweet Heaviside, oh my  
  
It reeks so bad, I think I wanna die!  
  
Tugger: Freedom is mine. The Yard is still. I feel the wind. I breathe again, and my eyes water! Who ripped a big one?! Drink from the dish, it tastes like paste. Never forget the years, the waste. Nor forgive her for what she's done, for fanfic writers are nuts, every one. The night begins, and now let's see what lovely Queenies still want me.  
  
Author: {grumbles}  
  
Bill Bailey: You'll have to go. I'll pay you off for the day. Collect your bits and pieces there and be on your way.  
  
Author: {chuckles quietly} Bits and pieces…  
  
Cast: Huh?!  
  
Author: {shakes head} Nothing… an inside joke from my Swing Dance group… {waves merrily to the Members}  
  
{insert incredulous stares}  
  
Tugger: {picks up play} You're giving me half what the other toms get? This handful of tin wouldn't buy my sweat! {pauses} Do cats sweat?  
  
Author: No, but shouldn't you know that?  
  
Tugger: {shrugs} I know I don't sweat, but John Partridge does…  
  
Author: {shakes head} Please, Tugger, John, whoever you are. I just got back from a four hour Psychology class… Don't make me think…  
  
Munk: {faints}  
  
Author: Now, what?!  
  
Mungo: {chuckles from off-stage} You thou't this toime!!!  
  
Author: Actually, I didn't… Wasn't that the point?  
  
Mungo: {nervously} Well, uh… Wot Oi mean' woz… Ah…  
  
Author: Wake Munkustrap up, and let's move on…  
  
  
  
{Setting: Outside an Abbey}  
  
The Bishop  
  
Rumblepurr: Come in, sir, for you are weary, and the night is cold out there.  
  
Though our lives are very humble, we'll give you free long underwear.  
  
There is Frisky to revive you; there is cream to make you strong.  
  
There's a bed to rest 'til morning… Dear God, please take off that thong.  
  
Tugger: He let me eat my fill; I had the lion's share.  
  
The catnip in my hand cost twice what I had earned. And yet, he trusted me.  
  
That old goat, he trusted me, what a sorry little fool.  
  
I played the grateful servant, thanked him, like I was taught at school.  
  
But when the house was still, I got up in the night.  
  
Took the catnip… {Drops character} whoa, whoa!!! Again with the stealing?!  
  
Author: {slaps forehead} Yes, Tugger, again with the stealing. It develops Valjean as a character. Just wait. Until then, just do your lines, please? {Tugger nods demurely} All right, let's move on to "At the End of the Day."  
  
Tugger: But that takes out a really great song of mine!  
  
Author: {sighs} Summarize.  
  
Tugger: {Begins as a storyteller} Well, basically, I stole the catnip. Some policemen caught me, but Rumble let me off, lying to the officers that the catnip had been a gift. He asked in return, only that I live my life for the Everlasting Cat. I felt horribly about what I had done to the Bishop, Rumblepurr. I decided to do as he asked, and turn my life around. I went to M—sur—M, a town in France, and I became the mayor, and the owner of a factory.  
  
Author: {nods} Not bad… not bad a'tall… but you forgot to say that by moving to M—sur—M you broke your parole. Macavity, or Javert, is after you again, and 10 years have passed.  
  
Tugger: Whatever.  
  
Author: {pats Rumblepurr on the back} You did wonderfully, dear. Thank you. I'm only sorry you didn't get to do more of your part…  
  
Rumble: Oh, no no no. Thank you! {bows grandly} And it was no problem. I know how it's like with these Jellicles. {sighs and makes a grand bow again} It was a pleasure to work with you all! I'm off to make Tugger pay for his goat remarks.  
  
Author: {winces} Do be gentle with him, Rumble. Those Scouts can be dangerous. Besides, it'd be more fun to have Silvana or Cassandra do the punishment.  
  
Rumble: Oh, the possibilities…  
  
Teazer: {giggles} 'E's roigh' prop'a, ain' 'e? No' a bad Bishop oitha…  
  
Rumble: {kisses Teazer's paw}  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes}  
  
{Setting: Factory Work floor}  
  
At the End of the Day  
  
All Workers: At the end of the day, you're another life shorter.  
  
Lost another trying to balance on rails.  
  
It's a struggle, it's a war, and there's nothing that anyone's giving.  
  
One more day standing about, picking your nails.  
  
One day less to be living.  
  
At the end of the day, you're another day madder.  
  
'Coz there's an Author who's making you ill.  
  
She wrote some Parodies, so evil that you all are crying.  
  
And she makes you sing 'til the end, and you're ready to kill.  
  
She's one day nearer to dying.  
  
At the end of the day, there's another night dawning.  
  
And the Jellicle Moon is waiting to rise.  
  
Like the waves crash on the sand, like a storm that'll mat your new hairdo,  
  
There's a hunger in the land, there's a reckoning still to be reckoned  
  
And there's gonna be heck to pay  
  
At the end of the day!  
  
Plato: At the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing.  
  
Sitting flat on your tail doesn't buy any bread.  
  
Male Worker: There are kittens back at home, and the kittens've got to be fed.  
  
Female: And you're lucky to be in a job, and in a bed.  
  
Both: And we're counting our blessings.  
  
Dreamteazer: 'Ave y'seen 'ow th' fo'man's fumin' t'day?  
  
Kazishemai: With his terrible breath and wandering paws?  
  
Dream: It's b'coz li'l Grizine won' give 'im 'is way.  
  
Jenny: Now, HOLD IT!!! I will not stand for you subjecting little Jemima, Etcetera, and the other kittens to this type of vulgarity.  
  
Author: {whines} Jen-ny! Please! Jemima's playing a part in this, and it isn't all that vulgar… it's more… suggestive.  
  
Etcetera: I like it, Jenny. It's funny.  
  
Jenny: No! I will not stand for it!  
  
Author: Fine, fine. Move on.  
  
Bomba: {snickers} Oh, Jenny's really going to love "Lovely Ladies."  
  
Author: {Grumbles} Start with the letter, please.  
  
Bomba: {clears throat and gets into character} And what have we here, little innocent sister?  
  
C'mon Grizine, let's have all the news.  
  
"Dear Grizine you must send us lean Vittles,  
  
Your kitten needs a diet, there's no time to lose!"  
  
Griz: Give that letter to me; it is none of your business.  
  
With a mate there at home and a bit on the side.  
  
Is there anyone here, who can swear by the Layer,  
  
She has nothing to fear, she has nothing to hide?  
  
Jenny: You're doing it again!  
  
Author: FINE! SKIP AHEAD! {grumbles} I think I have some tranquilizer around here somewhere…  
  
Etcetera: {finds it and holds it up} Here it is… want me to go put it in her cream?  
  
Author: {stares shocked} Since when are you little miss "bad kit?"  
  
Etc: {shrugs} Hanging around my cousin too long.  
  
Author: {glares off-stage} Teazer?! What are you teaching your her?!  
  
Teazer: {giggles}  
  
Etc: {slips away unnoticed}  
  
Author: Let's continue please! Go from… "I Dreamed a Dream." Grizine's been kicked out of the factory, blah, blah, blah. Let's go.  
  
Griz: There was a time when songs were good  
  
When their lyrics made sense, and their words inviting.  
  
There was a time when authors should  
  
Leave music alone, and stick to writing.  
  
There was a time; then it all went wrong…  
  
I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
  
When hope was high, 9-lives worth living  
  
I dreamed that CATS would never die!  
  
The Broadway Fans would be forgiving.  
  
Then I was young, and unafraid  
  
When leotards still fit my fanny;  
  
Act like a cat, and get paid!  
  
Just sing a song, and win a Grammy  
  
But the Tony's come at night  
  
With their statues bright as sunshine.  
  
As they tear your stage away  
  
As they turn your dreams to shame!  
  
Author: {looks around, noticing other Cats are dozing} Hey! Wake up, Jellicles! This is a wonderful song!  
  
Mungo: {rubs his eyes} Real pri'y, bu' koinda lulls y't'sleep…  
  
Author: All right… Sorry Grizabella, but we'll have to move on.  
  
Griz: Thank the Everlasting Cat! I was beginning to hate that role…  
  
Etcetera: {whispers} Isn't Griz dead?  
  
Jellylorum: Yes, but we don't like to push the subject. She's very touchy about that.  
  
Author: Where were we…?  
  
Griz: Who cares? I'm outta here!  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes} Well, she's a load of fun.  
  
Etc: {watches Bomba} Does it hurt when you do that?  
  
Bomba: Do what?  
  
Etc: Roll your eyes… You do it so much!  
  
Bomba: {swats at Etcetera, who hides behind Tugger} 


	4. My brain hurts

~* Disclaimer: Here we go again…. Yada yada, CATS not mine… neither is Les Mis… Oh woeful lucky fool that I am, not to have created these when I had the chance. Sorry about the delay yet again. But here I am, at Purdue again, which explains why I can update. Thanks for coming back! I'm glad you enjoy! I know I do! ;) Oh, and a little note? I make Jonathan in my fanfics an over-the-top Tugger who very rarely graces the Tribe with his presence… *watches Bomba gag* Oh, shut up… *Dreamteazer* *~  
  
Part Three  
  
Author: Can we finally get this thing going again? Enough coffee, Exotica. Electra, get ready for your cue. Admetus, Asparagus? On stage, all: welcome to Dream Land!!!  
  
Bomba: Sweet Heaviside, don't tell me she's going to parody that one too…  
  
Author: Don't tempt me, sugar. Don't tempt me…  
  
{Setting: Alleyways and Slums}  
  
D. Lovely Ladies  
  
Admetus: I smell Queenies, smell 'em in the air.  
  
Asparagus: Think I'll drop me anchor in that harbor over there… {suggestive wink}  
  
Author: {looks around, expecting Jenny} Phew! No one to interrupt!  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes} Isn't that what you just did?  
  
Etc: {watches in amazement}  
  
Bomba: Knock that off, y'little twit! Don't stare at me like that!  
  
Author: {chuckles} Lovely Ladies, come along and join us!  
  
Munku: {flips through script} Um, that line isn't until page 34. It says right here…  
  
Author: I'm sorry, who's Parody is this again?  
  
Munku: Yours… unfortunately.  
  
Author: {ignores comment} And your part doesn't come up until much later, so until then? Hush!  
  
Tantomile: Like I said, and we thought…  
  
Vic: {bops Tant} Shut UP! I am NOT a brat!  
  
Author: {giggles} Move on!  
  
Lovely Ladies: Lovely Ladies, waiting for a bite…  
  
Author: {interrupts again} Hang on… we need a few more Ladies to fill the chorus… Kaz, Dream? Care to join us? {watches them mill in} -- I love the word Mill. Don't ask.  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes, and tries to ignore Etcetera} Why Kazi?  
  
Zanziban: Because she's a Lovely Lady.  
  
Author: {squeals} Zan, don't DO that! Jeesh…  
  
Zan: {calm unemotional front}  
  
Author: {rolls eyes} Oh, blech on you. Kazi? Do something about him?  
  
Kazi: Just put him in the song, Author. I'll keep my eye on him… {quiet, note to herself} Boy, will I keep my eye on him…  
  
Munku: Hang on a second! Who in the name of Heaviside is this Zanziban guy? Who are Kazi and Dream for that matter?!  
  
Author: Dream is my Jellicle Self, so deal with it, okay? Or I'll make you Angel when I parody Rent, got it? Kazi is one of my many online Roleplaying characters. And Zanziban is Kazishemai's Tom, main squeeze, boyfriend, lover…  
  
Kazi: Uh, excuse me… haven't gotten quite that far yet.  
  
Zan: Yet? {gulps}  
  
Author: What happened to Mr. Stoic? {watches Zan panic} Ah, I love my job. Back to Lovely Ladies.  
  
Lovely Ladies: Lovely Queenies, waiting for a bite  
  
                        Waiting for the dirty Toms who only come at night  
  
                         Lovely Queenies, shake your little tails!  
  
                         Standin' up, or lyin' down  
  
                         Or balancing on rails!  
  
                         Bargain prices if you break a nail!  
  
Dreamteazer: {stares at list of…ahem… positions} Croipes… wudn' doin' it on rails be a moigh' diff'cult?  
  
Cass: Not if you're flexible. {watches Alonzo gulp}  
  
Bomba: {chuckles} You'd be amazed what your Toms can do… right Deme?  
  
Deme: You betcha, sister.  
  
Munku: {blushes}  
  
Author: {sighs} I am so glad Etcetera drugged Jenny...  
  
Kazi: {takes notes}  
  
Zan: {rubs forehead and tries to hide}  
  
Kazi: Oh, no you don't. Get back here!  
  
Unknown: {from off-stage} Take it off!!!!  
  
Author: What the heck?!?!  
  
Tugger: Hey, hey! Jonathan came by!  
  
Bomba: Sweet Heaviside, save me…  
  
Jon: Save you from what, Luscious? My charm, my charisma, my looks,…?  
  
Bomba: Your ego?  
  
Author: {rubs forehead and speaks in monotone} Nice to have you, Jonathan. Pull up a seat, put on your favorite straight-jacket, and grab some Meds. Welcome to the Asylum.  
  
Munku: Haha! We're getting to her! Perhaps we should stop, eh N—  
  
Author: Say my real name, and I'll kick your tail so hard, the fur will fly out your ears.  
  
Jerrie: Y'post it on y'websoite…  
  
Author: Yeah, but if people don't read, then they don't know. Let them find out on their own. Besides, it creates more traffic. {self-serving, evil smile} But, we're getting off track… Where were we?  
  
Bomba: {rolls eyes} In H-e-double toothpicks.  
  
Jemima: Duh… I think she meant in the script, dork.  
  
Bomba: Jeesh! What is it with these Kits?! Didn't Jenny teach them to respect their elders, or anything?  
  
Etc: Yeah… She was just a little "dopey" during the last leson.  
  
Author: {giggles} Griz? Your turn.  
  
Griz: I thought I was done!  
  
Author: Not yet, luv. But we'll kill you off in a page or so.  
  
Alonzo: Mind if I take first crack?  
  
Author: Oh, no you don't. That's my pleasure… er duty. Yeah, duty. That's it. {clears throat}  
  
Griz: Hold on. It says here I sell my fur?! I am NOT shaving myself down, and looking like some flea-bitten Pollicle Poodle.  
  
Author: Alright, alright. Griz naked and furless doesn't appeal to me either. Just sell this gold collar here. {hands over tarnished collar}  
  
Griz: So, this is what counts as gold these days?  
  
Author: I just bought new tires; sue me.  
  
Munk: {flips through the Yellow Pages to the "L" section} Lawyers… lawyers… Aha!  
  
Author: Munk? Put the cell phone away. Now. Griz: sell. Electra: buy.  
  
Electra: I feel like I'm in a really, crappy infomercial. {clears throat}  
  
              Come here, my dear.  
  
             Let's see that collar you wear.  
  
              This crappy thing.  
  
Griz: You snit, I'll sell it to you.  
  
Electra: {counts pennies} I'll give you five.  
  
               You're far too eager to sell.  
  
               It's up to you.  
  
Griz: Pbttth! Not a chance, you young upstart. At least ten!  
  
Author: GRIZ!!!  
  
Griz: I hate begging… {gives in} Please, make it ten.  
  
Electra: No more than five.  
  
               You brat, we all must stay alive.  
  
Lovely Ladies: Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
  
                          Ah, ah, ah, ah—  
  
Author: WRONG CHORUS!  
  
Lovely Ladies: {after a beat} Lovely Queenies, waiting in the da'k.  
  
Ready for a thick one, or a quick one in the park.  
  
Tant: Long time, short time, anytime, my dear.  
  
Cost a little extra if you wanna take—  
  
Alright, I hate to do this, but… I believe I agree with Jenny. This is too risqué.  
  
Author: You're prostitutes. It's the nature of the song. I'll put a warning up but…  
  
Exotica: Yes, but that line…  
  
Author: What? "…if you want to take all year?" What's wrong?  
  
Jelly: But when you're singing it, and the music's going…  
  
Bomba: You expect them to say "take it in the—"  
  
Author: {whistles shrilly} Sweet, merciful Brigid! If I knew how dirty your minds were going to be, I would have skipped the song. At this rate, I'll have to slap an R-rating on this bad boy in a couple of pages.  
  
Exotica: Skip zee zong? Mon dieu! What a pity, non? Tsk, tsk, tsk. R- rating? But zen no one would read it, yes? {brightens} Zen what iz zee point, eh? Why continue, mademoiselle?  
  
Author: {bewildered stare} What zee… I mean, what the heck are you doing?  
  
Exotica: {shrugs} Just getting into the French swing of things.  
  
Author: Lay off the French Vanilla cappuccinos, si vous plait?  
  
Exotica: {whines} Oh, but it makes me all zingy!  
  
Author: Zingy, dingy… anyone else notice the correlation? {gets pegged by coffee grounds}  
  
Teazer: Corre-a-wot-shun?  
  
Jerrie: 'Ow th' wo'ds r'late, luv.  
  
Teazer: Ohh…  
  
Cass: Speaking of correlations, anyone else notice that this song has a predominantly "Cockney" accent to it?  
  
Teazer: 'Ere now… Wojtcha mean boi dat?  
  
Cassie: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all… {grins good-naturedly}  
  
Teazer: Oh, Oi'll give ya "nuffin'." Misto?! Ca'e t'zap Cass f'me?  
  
Misto: {yawning} What's in it for me?  
  
Jerrie: A new vest…  
  
Misto: {considers then zaps Cass} Payment expected in full, Jerrie.  
  
Jerrie: Roight-o, guv'na.  
  
Cassie: {squeals} Mistoffelees, you little snit! After I taught you how to—  
  
{squabbling continues} 


End file.
